what are you looking for?

"In religion, as in war and everything else, comfort is the one thing you cannot get by looking for it. If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth - only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair. Most of us have got over the pre-war wishful thinking about international politics. It is time we did the same about religion."

- C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

RWC Bible Blog

Link here.

Check it out yo.

a glass ceiling.

How do we go deeper in our relationships? This has been something on my mind these days in light of leading small group and hoping to encourage, challenge and most of all, love other people.

Nancy encouraged me to listen to this sermon, and it was fantastic. It's by Adam Thomason of The Village Church, and is titled "Our Greatest Idol". At the beginning of the message, he talks about how we cannot go deeper in our relationships with God and with each other because we use vague language and avoid facing the tough truths about ourselves and our sin. We hit a glass ceiling. Not for one second did I think that this somehow related to idolatry.

When I read the title I immediately thought, "duh, it's ourselves. What's new."

Well, I was right in thinking that it was going to be about how we are our own greatest idols, but I was wrong for thinking I wouldn't get anything out of it. I didn't realize how deep and how sneaky this idolatry can be. Sneaky sneaky.

I strongly encourage y'all to listen. I think we often fail to realize all the areas that our self-idolatry hits us and hinders us.

Mark Driscoll on Adolescence

a quote #1

(From Richard J. Foster's Celebration of Discipline)

"The Christian Discipline of simplicity is an inward reality that results in an outward life-style. Both the inward and the outward aspects of simplicity are essential. We deceive ourselves if we believe we can possess the inward reality without its having a profound effect on how we live. To attempt to arrange an outward life-style of simplicity without the inward reality leads to deadly legalism.
Simplicity begins in inward focus and unity. It means to live out of what Thomas Kelly calls "The Divine Center." Kierkegaard captured the nucleus of Christian simplicity well in the profound title of his book, Purity of Heart Is to Will One Thing."

words.

I often find myself wanting to write and failing to find the words.

I think in times like these is when I need to be reading, or forcing myself to write... rather than doing neither.

That is all for now.

Proverbs 1:5 & 1:7(and 9:10 I suppose)

Proverbs 1:5 - Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance

Proverbs 1:7 - The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.

(Proverbs 9:10 - The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.)

These should change the way we live.

Do they?

Rediscovering books!

One thing that I set out to do this past summer (for the first time in awhile) was to start reading. At the top of my list was Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, along with others such as Far As the Curse is Found, recently Just Do Something, and currently Celebration of Discipline. Of course, reading books by other Christian thinkers does not replace reading the Bible, but it certainly gives insight into the Word, along with encouragement, helpful interpretation and practical suggestions for how to apply it to our lives.

I think inherently there is also a danger in reading books that are instructional by nature, as they are (obviously) not the authoritative Word of God. That being said, we must be careful not to consider what we read as authoritative or as "truth," but take it all with a grain of salt and test it against the Word of God.

But for those who even read this, I would implore you to start reading (or continue to read and process) the works of Christian thinkers. There are certainly a lot of books and writers that I haven't touched on and I've only recently read a small number of books, but the ones that I've read have offered unique perspectives that few (if anyone) could offer in such an articulate and through-out way. And I think a growing and changing perspective radically changes the way we live our lives, and in turn, live for God.

So please pick up a good book instead of sitting in front of the TV. I know it's hard sometimes because it's really hard for me, but just read a little bit every day and it will get easier. Think about what you're reading and test it against the Word. Ask for wisdom and discernment and seek first His Kingdom. Here are a few reasons why I think we all should read the works of other Christians (specifically books; blogs are good and all, but sometimes don't give as complete of an argument or are not as thought out).

I was thinking about making a list of reasons why reading books have helped me, but hopefully my writings/reviews/whatevers from books will suffice. I've been incredibly blessed by reading the few books that I have, and hope you will be too.

Currently trying to focus on Celebration of Discipline. Will write on it soon, as I think it also helps me process what I read and make it more concrete in my mind.

Funding.

A post that isn't very thought-out, but a quick post anyways, while it's on my mind...

With college coming to a close soon-ish (well, roughly 6-7 months), the issues of money and finances seems to be a very pressing one. On top of things, I really like the idea of doing short term missions over the summer as well as interning with Food for the Hungry in the Fall; both of which I would have to get a substantial amount of support for. (interning isn't paid, sadly.)

How much should I take into account the finances of these trips? On one hand, God will always provide and if He's calling me to these things I should certainly go and He will make a way, but on the other hand there's a practical side about spending and asking for money (a substantial amount too) on a pretty consistent basis that I can't really ignore. Cash dosen't grow on trees, and most of my friends aren't really supporting themselves yet so I don't know people that have oodles of money ready to help me do what I think God is calling me to.

I guess this is sort of what like doing full-time ministry is; living off the generosity and provision of God through the Church. Guess I didn't realize I've been doing it for all those summers in the past.

"Just Do Something"

Just finished reading Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung.

I thought it was a superb read.

In particular I think it challenged a lot of things that for many years I've taken for granted as the "correct"-ish way to do things, make decisions, and overall live my life... and is a pretty solid book.

Some key points that stuck out to me that I want to try to hold on to and would like to share with the few who read this. Everything is in a nutshell and explained much better (in the book) and clearly than below.

1. God is not as concerned with our amoral decisions as He is with us being sanctified and worshiping Him and loving Him with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. A lot of times I (and I think many people) worry a lot over decisions that aren't necessarily "right" or "wrong"; some examples might be deciding what job to take after college, or deciding what college to go to. We worry about whether the decision we make is going to be according to God's will or not, but what He probably cares more about is that we love Him and glorify Him while we take that job or go to a certain school. This was a good wake-up call for me to focus on the things that are important, and not stress too much over things that aren't as important.

2. I need to be willing and ready to take risks for God. Not being able to do so is (I think) a form of not trusting God. Is my heart in the right place? Is what I'm doing Biblical? Am I glorifying God by and through what I'm doing? If those 3 answers are yes, maybe I should just do it. Maybe I should just go abroad after I graduate and throw myself out there and struggle and maybe be a little lonely and do what I can to glorify and worship God in another country and culture. Maybe inaction is not a form of laziness or a lack of wisdom/discernment like I thought; maybe it's a form of distrust in the Lord. Maybe because I'm not 100% that God is "calling" me to do certain things, I don't do it. Maybe I wait to reach out to a younger brother, when really I should just take the risk and love God and love people. I'm not going to feel "called" to everything that I do in life, but that doesn't mean that God won't be glorified.

3. Wisdom is something to be sought after, and does not always come with more information. I don't know what to say after this. It's something to be prayed for and asked for, and beings with a fear of the Lord. Maybe after I meditate and read proverbs 1-2 (ish) more I'll have more to write about this.

There are a lot of other really great things that the book talks about, but I would highly recommend it to everyone for a good (or simply different) perspective on obeying God's will, and in turn, living life. Regardless, I think it helps take another look at how we go about each waking day.

"Rest for the Weary"

(Matthew 11:25-30)

²⁵At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. ²⁶Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.

²⁷"All things have been committed to me by my Father. No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.

²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

In search of some sort of rest, but not quite sure what kind, not sure what taking someone else's yoke upon myself means, and not sure what it looks like.

On another note, PB's message was really nice on Sunday and an excellent reminder what I must read the Bible daily. James 1 was pretty powerful after meditating and praying through it.

"need more Jesus"

My friend's status on gchat currently reads: "need more Jesus"

And I couldn't agree more.

For one reason or another this seems to be a very, very important fact that I forget easily. I need to remember that growing in my faith does not mean I need Jesus any less. In fact, it might even mean that I need Him more.

I think as I have grown in my faith, my sin has also "grown" in a sense, or at least... changed. In particular, I am talking about my pride. (Of course, other sins that I struggle with may arise and change as well, but I think pride in particular is a tricky one.) I think it's because the things I can become prideful of constantly, constantly change. Maybe a few years ago I thought I was pretty decent at leading worship. Or I thought I was SO much more humble then everyone else (but I think that perspective is actually pride as well; in perceiving yourself as more humble than others, you are more "holy" than others... a.k.a better than others.)

Maybe now my pride is different. Maybe I think I can do ministry better than other people, or I know the "right" thing to do, or I'm living a life that's more dedicated to Jesus than others. I think these are all things that might cause one towards self-idolatry. This is sin. This is pride in a new-ish form.

Which is why I need more of Jesus. Because I continually, constantly, need to remember that I am a sinner saved by grace, that I am always in need of grace. I need to remember the sin that is in me and my need for Jesus to conquer it, for God, not me, to search my heart and know my anxious thoughts, for God to work in me and sanctify me. I must remember the cross.

Less of me, more of Jesus. Please.

Question #1

Is it fair to say that an innate human desire is for permanence? Or some sense of permanence?

That is, we want to do things with value, and in particular, things that will last; things that will be memorable, or will change lives, or that can be looked back on. Maybe that's why pictures and videos are so great, or why we love to make music and art; it takes things that are temporary and makes them permanent.

Granted, many other things can factor into our motives/desires and such, but this in particular has been on my mind.

Hopefully, another start to more writing.

The last week-ish has been hard for me. In strange, odd little ways, but still, "hard" or "tough" I think might be the best words to describe it.

And I think it really shows me the fickleness of my own heart and the nature of my sin. Why is it so hard to discipline myself? It is infinitely easier to sit in front of a TV and watch a show or movie for hours, easy to play computer or video games over and over again. Yet it is so, so hard to read the Bible every day. Hard to soak it in, hard to earnestly pray to God every day. This doesn't really make sense to me.

It doesn't make sense because I know in my head, (And I thought I knew in my heart, but... not so sure anymore) that there is some odd twisting of values taking place here. Because I value reading the Bible, I value prayer. And you know what? I know other people value prayer. I know that my prayers make a difference. I know that when I don't pray and am not meeting with God, or when I don't read the Bible, I lose perspective. I also know that playing hours and hours of video/computer games adds very little value to my life. Yet somewhere in this thought process, where my thoughts transfer to actions, the values seem to get switched, and I spend more time doing the less-valued rather than the more-valued. (Okay, well I guess it depends on where we get this idea of 'value' from, and as I am a professing Christian and follower of Jesus... I'm not quite sure if these are things that God would value.)

Two things come to my mind when I think about this.

1. It's hard for me to really believe that anything is worth it if it is not centered around the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

2. Why are the values in my head different from that of my heart? Or, why is it so hard to transfer these thoughts into action? (I keep using this word "values" but I really think it's just because I can't think of a better term. If I do, it'll be at the end. But for now, "values" will have to do. Something to do with worth.)

It's been even more of a struggle lately because I really, really want to spend more time reading the Bible and praying. But when I say that I really, really want to, I don't. I simply do not. And this really troubles and worries me. Maybe I do for a week; maybe for a week, I'll pray an extra 15 minutes every day, or go to one extra prayer meeting, or read a few more chapters. But then it dies down. Then I forget that I'm a sinner desperately in need of God's grace, or I get lazy, or I lose sight of the cross, or... who knows.

And really, I think it's because I haven't really died to myself yet. Matthew 16:24-25 reads:

²⁴Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. ²⁵For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.

and John 3:30 reads:

³⁰He must become greater; I must become less.

Two things that are incredibly, incredibly difficult. Have I really given up my own passions and desires to follow Christ? Have I lost my life? Well, the answer is no. I haven't. I haven't lost my life for Christ. I'm not quite sure, but I think part of the reason why disciplining myself can be so difficult is because I haven't fully done this yet. I mean, maybe I never will. Probably not.

But hopefully every day, I'll wake up and pray, "God, help me live this day for you, because I can't do it on my own."

I don't know if I got my point across or if this was well-written, but that's okay. Here it is. And hopefully more will start coming. (I say that a lot, but seriously this time... more will come. Time to let go.)

Looking back...

Hrmm.

Time sure does fly. I remember when I was a freshman and even sophomore and people that were graduating (or had graduated) told me how fast college flies by. Granted, I still have a full year ahead of me and I cannot imagine what graduating is like, it's already hitting me that I'm going to be out of here in a year. But that's not really what I want to write about.

Over the past week we've been getting applications for Servant Team (ST) and seeing how God has moved in different people's lives through our fellowship, church, small groups, etc. has been a HUGE blessing and encouragement. Incredible, seriously. And it makes me wonder a few things, about myself and people in general.

First, I wonder if we share how we've grown with each other. I wonder if we didn't have these applications, if the people applying would freely and voluntarily, without bring prompted, share how God has grown them, transformed them and revealed Himself to them over the year. I wonder if we restrict ourselves to the "serious" times when we need to talk about "serious" stuff. I think sometimes it's hard to break the awkwardness when talking about our faith with others, but for some reason it's easier to be honest when we're writing (or typing I suppose).

Second, and probably what hits me more, is that I wonder if I've really given everything I could over this past year. I wonder if I really have been faithful to the things God has called me to; I wonder if I've squandered my time pretending to do the right things and say the right words.

Because I simply can't help but feel like we're missing something. Like I'm missing something. Like for a long time I've been reaching for something, reaching for God, but never really knew how to get there. Didn't know how to manage my time, how to utilize my gifts and talents, how to make the most of my relationships and every waking minute that God has gracefully given me.

Honestly, this year has been a constant struggle for me to feel like I'm using every waking moment to glorify and worship the Lord. I feel like in particular, God's been challenging me to be intentional with my relationships and time with people. And sadly, even though I still feel like that's where God challenged me this past semester/year, I feel like I've failed.

Failing at something seems pretty harsh, but let me elaborate. I don't say "fail" in the sense that there was no fruit, or that people weren't transformed, or that I didn't see the results that I would've liked to. I say fail in the sense that I'm not quite sure if I've really been entirely faithful in obeying God in this respect. It certainly doesn't feel like it; although there have been times when I have pushed myself in relationships and comfort zones, there have been times when I did not. I'd like to say I tried my best, and I think in ways I did; but I know that there was more. That there is more, and that there will be more.

You know what really fires me up, what really makes me want to get out there, reach for more, push my limits? Seeing other people on fire for God. I don't think this is in itself bad unless it becomes something I rely on to find passion, but when I grow discouraged or tired, for the most part, what really picks me back up is seeing other people struggle to live for the Lord. Seeing God glorified is AMAZING. Maybe I'm just blind to so much of it, so it's easy to slack off, instead of become a part of the movement God is leading.

Perseverance is something that isn't easy to come by. With every waking day I realize that each day is another day to live for and give to God. And some days are harder than others. Maybe we really need to be more intentional not simply in encouraging each other, but also in sharing our testimonies of how God has been amazingly good and gracious to us. It reminds us, and me, that God is real, and that He is working. Especially when my faith is too weak to believe it without seeing it.

I pray that God will increase my faith, that I may serve faithfully and make strides in giving every day to Him. 

But despite the uneasy feeling of dissatisfaction from this past year, God has been ridiculously good and faithful, as always. Amen to that.

Hopefully more writing will come in regards to this year. Feel like there's so much to write about.

Christ.

How badly do we want Him (Christ) in our lives?

How much do we want Him in the lives of others...?



I think the answer to both of these questions is: never enough.