Please.

Let's just pray for humility.

In every sense of the word.

Sleep(less)

Tonight is the first night in awhile that I am having trouble sleeping. Hopefully after this I will be more tired.

So here I am writing about it. Needless to say, there seem to be a lot of things on my mind... and this seems to be a relatively pivotal point in my life (both this semester/next one or two years).

I used to really, really love sleeping. I remember when I was a freshman I slept absurd amounts, something like 8-10 hours a night plus sleeping in a good amount of my classes as well as taking naps during the days. I think deep down, we naturally really like to rest. To effectively, do nothing.

But I think this year is the first where I am consciously denying myself sleep. Where I go to sleep thinking, "only what's necessary to get through the next day," rather than something like, "until I feel completely rested."

Rather than praying for rest in God, I need to keep pushing myself to pray for perseverance and energy and strength. Not praying for less, but praying for the strength to be faithful to who and what God has placed in my life.

Press on.

Repair.

Why do we always feel like we need to fix things? We seem to have this idea that there is some ideal state that we want things to be... some place of peace, serenity, or something like that.

I feel like we also have this natural tendency to try to "fix" people. (As if people can be fixed...). Why do we always try to make things "right"? What makes us really think that we have the ability to make things better, or even know what 'better' really is? We're all broken people after all. More often than not, people just want to know that they're not alone, that someone cares, or that someone's willing to listen. There's this lie that is often told to us that we're alone... but we're not.

I think it's okay to be a little broken sometimes. Or, maybe, often. Maybe it's just a weird thing of mine (I know it's not, but it might not be shared by everyone,) but sometimes I get a strange relief from some sort of sorrow, or loneliness, brokenness. I think it's what it takes sometimes for me to remember that I'm human. And for me to feel human. Like life isn't meant to pass by without struggle and strife, without conflict... like I'm supposed to embrace it when it comes and learn to love it.

And I'm okay with being messed up sometimes because I know that God isn't. Because I know that from the lowest of lows and the deepest of depths, my God will pull me back up and bring redemption. And that, is beautiful.


This may have been my most therapeutic writing yet. Hurrah.