Have we lost ourselves?

I think I'm still only beginning to realize how much this past summer has changed my life. Thinking back sometimes still almost brings me to tears, and when I try to remember what life was like before going to Japan... I simply cannot. At least, it is a struggle to.

I suppose sometime I should really try to write a my testimony from this summer. But how... how can I even begin to describe the impact that God has had on my life? This seems to be where all the words in the world would never be able to do it justice.

There just seems to be a large jumble of words; words like love, and family, and life...

One word in particular that I have come to really like is 'abandon'. (Now that I've typed it out it looks kind of funny.) But I think true, complete, utter abandon is something really, really beautiful. Because when you are completely abandoned for something, you are completely lost for that cause, for that purpose. Nothing else matters. It is this strange and eerie mix of desperation and satisfaction, selflessness and selfishness. Because we are desperate for that cause to be furthered, but satisfied because we are constantly, constantly pushing for more, giving our all. We no longer become people after our own desires, save for that which we consider everything else a loss for.

I think, over the summer, for the first time, I began to experience that and see that. You see, when you truly, truly abandon everything that you have for one thing that you desire, life becomes simple. Strangely, uncannily, wonderfully simple.

But there is such an intense struggle for this simplicity. Because there are so many and so many THINGS in this world that are biding for our attention. And I guess the ultimate goal is to be at a place where everything that we do becomes to the same end; to glorify God. Yet on the surface, this world has so much to offer, so much temporary pleasure and satisfaction, so much emotion, pain, struggle, joy... so much that seems so real. Things that make us feel alive, or feel warm and fuzzy inside. Things like school, our GPAs, relationships; ideas like the future and success.

So, let's not lose ourselves amidst these things. Even as we serve, let's not get caught up in seeing change or planning events or using every minute of the day. Let's not get blinded by the need to set a good example or our desire to fit a certain standard of stereotype of a leader, let's not get lost in the standards that society sets on us.

I pray that I will never forget the depth of my depravity that God has pulled me out of; that every day I will find myself in my Father, my Daddy... That I will remember, always remember, the cost that was paid for my life, and that I will not let myself be pulled back into the chaos of the world around us.