Walls.

Every now and then I get this undeniable feeling of loneliness. It makes me a little sad sometimes, and other times I just feel plain detached from the world, feel like there's something more between all of us that we're just struggling to reach for.

I think I feel like this because to a certain extent it's true. It's true in that, you and I will never really know each other, and always have the potential to be separated, whether by time or location, or by emotion... No matter how much we talk, how much time we spend together, there are parts of me that you will not know or understand. There are thoughts and feelings that I will not be able to express with words. Maybe through art, or music, or some sort of free-form expression, I will be able to get it out of myself, but it will be transformed and contorted in your eyes.

What's good about feeling like this every now and then (I think?) is that it makes me realize how unique my relationship with God is. I mean, He knows us, in and out. Better yet, He knows ME. That's pretty amazing. And not only does he know me like and intimate friend, but he is with me, always. No time, no place, no SIN, can come between us, because of Jesus Christ.

And sometimes I wonder if this is a way that we can more intimately know each other. Not that we are united in a cause, or that we share this thing in common, but because we share a relationship with a God that intimately knows all of us. If we align our hearts with God's heart, then we are aligned with each other's hearts. Beautiful.

Maybe it is my sin that keeps me feeling this way. Or our sin. Sometimes I get caught up in my inabilities, in ways that I've failed, in little things in which I feel like I am not enough. There's this weird tension in my mind between my sin and God's forgiveness. It's easy for me to move on, knowing that I am forgiven and made righteous through Jesus Christ. But now and then, these walls come up; I become discouraged, feel alone. Neither of which I should feel, because 1. We have already won the victory over death and over sin, and 2. I am not alone, because God is with me, and my brothers/sisters in Christ are with me. I guess I'm going through this process of solidifying those in my heart, and letting God and God alone satisfy me.

But still, I pray that God will break down these walls that separate our hearts, that keep parts of us apart from each other, apart from Him.

Maybe I just need to learn how to love and how to let myself be loved. To understand and live out the fact that, even though I am a dirty, sinful man, God's love enables me to fully and passionately love those around me, and that God dearly, dearly loves me, enabling others to do the same to me. Amen.