In His hands.

There seems to be this constant paradigm between us lifting up things to God and being good stewards of what He has given us. While I know I need to let God take full control of my life, I also must be a good steward of the things that I have been entrusted with (what those things are is up for debate, though could arguably be a lot).

It seems as though God is trying to get at (as usual) the heart of things, of me. I need to be ready to lose everything or gain everything, but whatever happens, it has to be for His glory. Rather than thinking like, "I need to DO this because it is for God's glory," I should be thinking, "God has given me this for His glory." It's not my action or what I do that I should be focused on, but what God is already doing, and what God has done.

And it's exactly that. It's not what happens and what doesn't happen, it's where our hearts are. Where my heart is.

And I always seem to have this daunting self-doubt as to where my heart is. Because I know where it should be, and though I often think that it's there, I am so convinced of my sin that I find it hard to believe that it is where I think it is. (Wow, that sentence sounds confusing.) And maybe that's because I'm more convinced of my sin than God's grace. It's easier for me to believe how utterly I have failed than how overpowering God's love is.

My prayers, among many:

Psalm 139:23-24 - "Search me, oh God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there be any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 73:25-26 - "Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Philippians 3:8 - "What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ"


Feeling like I have more to say but I'm not sure how. Oh well.