Sometimes I have a really hard time trusting people. I think there are various reasons for this, but unfortunately I think it's been something that has been growing lately. Over a year ago I realized that I was starting to stop 'believing in people', which I think means something similar to not trusting people.
I'm not sure how I feel about this. Not trusting people makes it hard to be vulnerable, which often is a good thing, and can lead to a lot of good things... although it can lead to bad things too. Like lots of hurt and pain. But I just don't know how much we're supposed to trust people. Or, how much I'm "supposed" to trust people. Like, God calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves... but how much do we have to trust people to love them?
I'm trying to figure out whether God trusted us. But even if he did, it doesn't really make a huge difference because... after all, he's sovereign and all, so he can do whatever he wants. From today's Utmost for His Highest:
"God came as a baby, giving and entrusting Himself to me. He expects my personal life to be a "Bethlehem." Am I allowing my natural life to be slowly transformed by the indwelling life of the Son of God? God’s ultimate purpose is that His Son might be exhibited in me."
It's like, God trusted us, and... also trusted that we would fail? (like, we crucified Jesus, we fail to follow Him, we continue to sin, etc.)
It seems quite the predicament... So I'm supposed to trust in people, even though I know people will fail. But there's that question of, what to expect... maybe "trust" and "expect" aren't really the best words to use. Maybe we're supposed to be "open" to people, to let people into our lives in hopes of experiencing part of what God has done in our lives... to share that love.
I guess the only thing to expect is to be broken. Sort of like Jesus. If God is love, then love is bringing yourself from 100% to 0%, putting yourself through torture, humility, loneliness, while expecting almost nothing in return. That's a pretty hard life to lead. Are we supposed to trust that we will get burned by the people around us? To expect to be broken, to be alone? Part of me feels like we are... and I don't know if I really want to do that. Well, I do. I don't know if I'm ready.
1 comment:
from the same day in my utmost for his highest, chambers says, "He [jesus] trusted absolutely in what God’s grace could do for others." maybe it's not so much that we trust in others despite the fact that they will inevitably mess up, but we trust that God can work in them, and follow his lead in terms of when to be vulnerable and when to hide in him...
thanks for your thoughts.
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