repetition

Again, I wrote out a long post and then decided to write differently. Because I realized that what I was writing about was really circling around one idea that might help me understand my situation better.

Repetition isn't a bad thing. Even if it's in writing, talking, listening, etc. I need to tell myself this and come to believe it, because I think for awhile I've acted like it's a bad thing. Like the previous post, to which steve commented that I've written before. Yea, I probably have, and honestly, it makes me a little sad that I've written it before.

It makes me sad because it makes me feel like I haven't had any "progress". Like I've been stuck in the same spot for awhile. But I think in different ways I haven't been stuck, and even if I am, I need to be okay with repeating some things. Maybe I didn't really learn the first time or it still needs to settle in.

While my repetition of things may be a sign that I still struggle with that particular sin or lesson or area of my life, I need to come to terms with having to repeat it. Yeah, so maybe I feel like certain parts of my life / faith go in circles (in particular, my writing and these posts,) but maybe it's because I haven't learned from them enough and it's about time that I do.

I also think that I might be worrying/thinking too much about growth itself, rather than writing / thinking as a means to a more intimate relationship with God and to glorify Him. But that's for another time. For now.

life was meant to live!

There are many things on my mind right now, and (I think) many ideas floating around my mind waiting to come out in words, waiting to be externally processed and reviewed. But in an effort to collect my thoughts and in preparation to write, I came to realize that some of these thoughts are not really relevant to me. That is, though they would end up being an expression of my views and opinions (and some convictions) they are not really something I am going through now, per say. (Not that this isn't a reason to write about them, but more because that was the original reason for my wanting to post).

But I am reminded that today must be lived, well, today. Life must be lived (to an extent) in the now. I think too often I let myself be held back by thoughts of doubts, by questions without answers or by the uncertainty of the future. Why should that keep me from living today? Not simply waking up and sleeping, breathing and eating, but I mean, living. Embracing life.

I won't lie, I've been thinking a lot about the future, but I don't know if that's really done me any good. It's pulled some attention from the things right in front of me. (Of course, I will admit that thought, planning and prayer ought to go into our choices for the future, but I think too much planning for the future might make it hard for us to be obedient to God.)

Though I don't know what lies and awaits ahead, I know what's right in front of me now, and I must do my best to faithfully serve and love. Regardless of where I'll be, I need to be at peace with where I am. I pray that I will learn to be fully and solely satisfied in the goodness and greatness of God, today, not tomorrow.

what are you looking for?

"In religion, as in war and everything else, comfort is the one thing you cannot get by looking for it. If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end: if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth - only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with and, in the end, despair. Most of us have got over the pre-war wishful thinking about international politics. It is time we did the same about religion."

- C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

RWC Bible Blog

Link here.

Check it out yo.

a glass ceiling.

How do we go deeper in our relationships? This has been something on my mind these days in light of leading small group and hoping to encourage, challenge and most of all, love other people.

Nancy encouraged me to listen to this sermon, and it was fantastic. It's by Adam Thomason of The Village Church, and is titled "Our Greatest Idol". At the beginning of the message, he talks about how we cannot go deeper in our relationships with God and with each other because we use vague language and avoid facing the tough truths about ourselves and our sin. We hit a glass ceiling. Not for one second did I think that this somehow related to idolatry.

When I read the title I immediately thought, "duh, it's ourselves. What's new."

Well, I was right in thinking that it was going to be about how we are our own greatest idols, but I was wrong for thinking I wouldn't get anything out of it. I didn't realize how deep and how sneaky this idolatry can be. Sneaky sneaky.

I strongly encourage y'all to listen. I think we often fail to realize all the areas that our self-idolatry hits us and hinders us.