repetition

Again, I wrote out a long post and then decided to write differently. Because I realized that what I was writing about was really circling around one idea that might help me understand my situation better.

Repetition isn't a bad thing. Even if it's in writing, talking, listening, etc. I need to tell myself this and come to believe it, because I think for awhile I've acted like it's a bad thing. Like the previous post, to which steve commented that I've written before. Yea, I probably have, and honestly, it makes me a little sad that I've written it before.

It makes me sad because it makes me feel like I haven't had any "progress". Like I've been stuck in the same spot for awhile. But I think in different ways I haven't been stuck, and even if I am, I need to be okay with repeating some things. Maybe I didn't really learn the first time or it still needs to settle in.

While my repetition of things may be a sign that I still struggle with that particular sin or lesson or area of my life, I need to come to terms with having to repeat it. Yeah, so maybe I feel like certain parts of my life / faith go in circles (in particular, my writing and these posts,) but maybe it's because I haven't learned from them enough and it's about time that I do.

I also think that I might be worrying/thinking too much about growth itself, rather than writing / thinking as a means to a more intimate relationship with God and to glorify Him. But that's for another time. For now.