Hum.

Well, took the last post down after talking to a good friend. So if you're reading and/or read it on google reader... realize that I did a pretty poor job conveying what I wanted to and it probably sounded one-sided, judgmental, off-target, and much more...

I told myself that if I were ever in the position where I was questioning what I would post that I would just do it unless I felt really strongly against it, since I'm kind of hoping to encourage more transparency and such... but I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

Words are too trixy for me. =(

Lost?

It seems quite easy to lose myself.

Right when I forget to ground myself in the Word daily, losing motivation and falling off-track seem to be much easier, if not inevitable. Thoughts and questions that I know the answers to start to come in when I forget. When my heart and my mind start to wander from this straight and narrow path laid out before me. I forget to find myself in the Lord before I find myself in anyone, or anywhere else.

Reading the Bible every day is a good reminder to be found in our Heavenly Father first and foremost. Though this is a discipline I'm still working on, it's slowly getting there... and I pray that I will continue to learn more and more how much I need to be found in Him and Him alone.

Brokenness.

Break us down, mold us and restore us, conform us to Your will.

We need You now.

Break us down, and piece by piece, put us back together...

Heart space.

Heart space.

If such a thing exists, which I'm sure it does, I don't think that we can ever have enough of it. But, because we are bound by time and space, we are undoubtedly restricted in how much heart space we can have, how much we can deeply care about.

What I think we can grow infinitely (or to a much larger amount, at least in my opinion), is our heart strength, if you will. (Or, looking back after finishing this post, heart depth.)

How grounded are we in the love of Jesus Christ? Maybe heart strength isn't the best word to describe this, but we can most certainly grow in letting God's love pour and endlessly flow through us. We love because He loved us. I think the more the lose ourselves, the more we die to ourselves, the more power and sovereignty God has in using us for His Kingdom.

It's really easy to forget that we can go deeper. That somehow, amidst our absolute and infinite depravity, we have the ability to deeply, deeply love. That no matter how thin we are spread, no matter how tired or weary, no matter how discouraged or stuck in a rut, God's love does not only pull us out and restore us, but lets us love others like nobody else can.

Over the past year, a lot of people have challenged me to focus more on fewer people in my life. Not that I should neglect people or anything like that, but that I should absolutely not try to do everything and anything I can. That I should challenge myself to go, well, deeper.

As I take steps towards that, my prayer is simply this: that my love for God will continue to grow, right along side my love for the people around me.

There is always, always more.

A Confession.

I have a really hard time talking to people about Jesus Christ.

Tonight we did went out around NYU to tell people about Epiphany, an event meant to display the Gospel through various artistic means and reach out to people through different artistic mediums.

We talked about where we would go and with who, prayed, and people went off in pairs. I stayed behind for late comers and to hand out fliers / talking to people in that area. For a large portion of the night, I was by myself.

It was really hard.

Hard because, simply put, I was afraid of approaching people. And I don't know why. I mean, I do, but I don't. I know that I didn't approach people because I'm afraid of what they'll say or what they'll think, I don't like the feeling of getting rejected, I don't like approaching strangers, I feel awkward, I feel uncomfortable.

But I know why I shouldn't be afraid. And why I should be more bold about talking to people.

Because unless someone tells them about the good news of Jesus Christ, who came to save sinners, who died for me, who loves them so dearly... they will never know Him.

More than not knowing Jesus Christ, they are going to die. They are dying as we speak, as I write this post. They are going to suffer for eternity. Severed from God.


God has been placing in my heart a greater desire to see people come to know Him. Maybe it [my heart] still has a lot of growing to do; I have a lot of growing to do. I pray that very soon, I'll be able to just throw myself out there, forget myself, and remember God.

I guess, in that sense, I still haven't completely died to myself yet.