Heart space.
If such a thing exists, which I'm sure it does, I don't think that we can ever have enough of it. But, because we are bound by time and space, we are undoubtedly restricted in how much heart space we can have, how much we can deeply care about.
What I think we can grow infinitely (or to a much larger amount, at least in my opinion), is our heart strength, if you will. (Or, looking back after finishing this post, heart depth.)
How grounded are we in the love of Jesus Christ? Maybe heart strength isn't the best word to describe this, but we can most certainly grow in letting God's love pour and endlessly flow through us. We love because He loved us. I think the more the lose ourselves, the more we die to ourselves, the more power and sovereignty God has in using us for His Kingdom.
It's really easy to forget that we can go deeper. That somehow, amidst our absolute and infinite depravity, we have the ability to deeply, deeply love. That no matter how thin we are spread, no matter how tired or weary, no matter how discouraged or stuck in a rut, God's love does not only pull us out and restore us, but lets us love others like nobody else can.
Over the past year, a lot of people have challenged me to focus more on fewer people in my life. Not that I should neglect people or anything like that, but that I should absolutely not try to do everything and anything I can. That I should challenge myself to go, well, deeper.
As I take steps towards that, my prayer is simply this: that my love for God will continue to grow, right along side my love for the people around me.
There is always, always more.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
A Confession.
I have a really hard time talking to people about Jesus Christ.
Tonight we did went out around NYU to tell people about Epiphany, an event meant to display the Gospel through various artistic means and reach out to people through different artistic mediums.
We talked about where we would go and with who, prayed, and people went off in pairs. I stayed behind for late comers and to hand out fliers / talking to people in that area. For a large portion of the night, I was by myself.
It was really hard.
Hard because, simply put, I was afraid of approaching people. And I don't know why. I mean, I do, but I don't. I know that I didn't approach people because I'm afraid of what they'll say or what they'll think, I don't like the feeling of getting rejected, I don't like approaching strangers, I feel awkward, I feel uncomfortable.
But I know why I shouldn't be afraid. And why I should be more bold about talking to people.
Because unless someone tells them about the good news of Jesus Christ, who came to save sinners, who died for me, who loves them so dearly... they will never know Him.
More than not knowing Jesus Christ, they are going to die. They are dying as we speak, as I write this post. They are going to suffer for eternity. Severed from God.
God has been placing in my heart a greater desire to see people come to know Him. Maybe it [my heart] still has a lot of growing to do; I have a lot of growing to do. I pray that very soon, I'll be able to just throw myself out there, forget myself, and remember God.
I guess, in that sense, I still haven't completely died to myself yet.
Tonight we did went out around NYU to tell people about Epiphany, an event meant to display the Gospel through various artistic means and reach out to people through different artistic mediums.
We talked about where we would go and with who, prayed, and people went off in pairs. I stayed behind for late comers and to hand out fliers / talking to people in that area. For a large portion of the night, I was by myself.
It was really hard.
Hard because, simply put, I was afraid of approaching people. And I don't know why. I mean, I do, but I don't. I know that I didn't approach people because I'm afraid of what they'll say or what they'll think, I don't like the feeling of getting rejected, I don't like approaching strangers, I feel awkward, I feel uncomfortable.
But I know why I shouldn't be afraid. And why I should be more bold about talking to people.
Because unless someone tells them about the good news of Jesus Christ, who came to save sinners, who died for me, who loves them so dearly... they will never know Him.
More than not knowing Jesus Christ, they are going to die. They are dying as we speak, as I write this post. They are going to suffer for eternity. Severed from God.
God has been placing in my heart a greater desire to see people come to know Him. Maybe it [my heart] still has a lot of growing to do; I have a lot of growing to do. I pray that very soon, I'll be able to just throw myself out there, forget myself, and remember God.
I guess, in that sense, I still haven't completely died to myself yet.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Sleep(less)
Tonight is the first night in awhile that I am having trouble sleeping. Hopefully after this I will be more tired.
So here I am writing about it. Needless to say, there seem to be a lot of things on my mind... and this seems to be a relatively pivotal point in my life (both this semester/next one or two years).
I used to really, really love sleeping. I remember when I was a freshman I slept absurd amounts, something like 8-10 hours a night plus sleeping in a good amount of my classes as well as taking naps during the days. I think deep down, we naturally really like to rest. To effectively, do nothing.
But I think this year is the first where I am consciously denying myself sleep. Where I go to sleep thinking, "only what's necessary to get through the next day," rather than something like, "until I feel completely rested."
Rather than praying for rest in God, I need to keep pushing myself to pray for perseverance and energy and strength. Not praying for less, but praying for the strength to be faithful to who and what God has placed in my life.
Press on.
So here I am writing about it. Needless to say, there seem to be a lot of things on my mind... and this seems to be a relatively pivotal point in my life (both this semester/next one or two years).
I used to really, really love sleeping. I remember when I was a freshman I slept absurd amounts, something like 8-10 hours a night plus sleeping in a good amount of my classes as well as taking naps during the days. I think deep down, we naturally really like to rest. To effectively, do nothing.
But I think this year is the first where I am consciously denying myself sleep. Where I go to sleep thinking, "only what's necessary to get through the next day," rather than something like, "until I feel completely rested."
Rather than praying for rest in God, I need to keep pushing myself to pray for perseverance and energy and strength. Not praying for less, but praying for the strength to be faithful to who and what God has placed in my life.
Press on.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Repair.
Why do we always feel like we need to fix things? We seem to have this idea that there is some ideal state that we want things to be... some place of peace, serenity, or something like that.
I feel like we also have this natural tendency to try to "fix" people. (As if people can be fixed...). Why do we always try to make things "right"? What makes us really think that we have the ability to make things better, or even know what 'better' really is? We're all broken people after all. More often than not, people just want to know that they're not alone, that someone cares, or that someone's willing to listen. There's this lie that is often told to us that we're alone... but we're not.
I think it's okay to be a little broken sometimes. Or, maybe, often. Maybe it's just a weird thing of mine (I know it's not, but it might not be shared by everyone,) but sometimes I get a strange relief from some sort of sorrow, or loneliness, brokenness. I think it's what it takes sometimes for me to remember that I'm human. And for me to feel human. Like life isn't meant to pass by without struggle and strife, without conflict... like I'm supposed to embrace it when it comes and learn to love it.
And I'm okay with being messed up sometimes because I know that God isn't. Because I know that from the lowest of lows and the deepest of depths, my God will pull me back up and bring redemption. And that, is beautiful.
This may have been my most therapeutic writing yet. Hurrah.
I feel like we also have this natural tendency to try to "fix" people. (As if people can be fixed...). Why do we always try to make things "right"? What makes us really think that we have the ability to make things better, or even know what 'better' really is? We're all broken people after all. More often than not, people just want to know that they're not alone, that someone cares, or that someone's willing to listen. There's this lie that is often told to us that we're alone... but we're not.
I think it's okay to be a little broken sometimes. Or, maybe, often. Maybe it's just a weird thing of mine (I know it's not, but it might not be shared by everyone,) but sometimes I get a strange relief from some sort of sorrow, or loneliness, brokenness. I think it's what it takes sometimes for me to remember that I'm human. And for me to feel human. Like life isn't meant to pass by without struggle and strife, without conflict... like I'm supposed to embrace it when it comes and learn to love it.
And I'm okay with being messed up sometimes because I know that God isn't. Because I know that from the lowest of lows and the deepest of depths, my God will pull me back up and bring redemption. And that, is beautiful.
This may have been my most therapeutic writing yet. Hurrah.
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